Intelligence quotient

Humanity is doomed. We are just too brilliant to keep on living. Everyone can feel it, but like the sheep we are, we fail to notice the looming cliff ledge, slowly pacing towards our inescapable demise. We have outgrown our intellectual capacity. Any bit of information added since 2781 BC brings destiny a step closer. We are facing imminent extinction by the hands of our own wisdom.

Being the average sheep herd we are, we have our share of black sheep. Some of them have taken it upon themselves to enlighten the herd and warn us of the danger looming ahead. News networks all over the globe are alerting the homo sapiens species of the grave dangers unfolding in front of their unsuspecting herd. Every self-respecting website publishes at least one article spelling out the well known fact that technology is extremely dangerous. Not even one newspaper failed to bring forth today’s hot headline – “Modern day technology is the bane of our existence”. Radio broadcasts elaborate – “It thins out the herd”. Ewes, rams and lambs alike all know by now that using technology limits the herd’s collective intellect, slowly turning it to a crowd of brainless zombies, unable to care for themselves.

Black sheep have successfully taught us to hinder inventions such as GPS, the Internet and computer games. Sadly, they were too late to do the same for thesaurus, books, pen and paper, wheel and fire. Those unholy inventions and discoveries have already taken their toll on the herd. Young lambs no longer look for words in the dictionary, but find them in two keyboard strokes; ewes no longer tell stories around the fireplace, but write them in books available for all; rams no longer draw on cavern walls with charcoals, but paint with too much detail and too many colors on cloth; herds no longer break their legs and perish on their way to neighbor herds, but drive in air-conditioned cars with leather seats; sheep no longer get ill of uncooked meat, but devour delicious seasoned steaks. The herd has agonized for thousands of years without even realizing it.

Clearly, scientific inventions and discoveries that ease every day lives are the devil’s brainchild. Those who know they know nothing and keep on trying to disclose as many of the meadow’s great secrets as they can are nothing but mere devil worshipers. Sheep that fear not looking beyond the grass that lies before them do nothing but harm. Foul creatures that dare share their fruit of labor so that the entire herd may advance and excel are inconsiderate, egocentric and self-serving sinners. Those who define the very meaning of being stupid by negation are the horsemen of the apocalypse.

I call to you today my fellow sheep — let us put an end to this morbid state of affairs. Let us break this vicious circle of knowledge passing, stop this vile orgy of technology and return to our lonely roots. Let us burn Google on the stake, melt our GPS-capable iPhone, demolish our libraries, drown every type of vehicle, incinerate all the books, halt all scientific progress and go look for red round small things in the big place with the green and brown big stuff where the other lamb just goed.

The green wire

Apparently, I’m a brainless lump of amino acids mixed with some calcium and water wrapped in keratin. As it turns out, if I had the choice, I’d spontaneously set myself ablaze at the very first opportunity I stumble upon. If I see a ledge, I will delightfully leap ahead and form a charming crater. If I hear a car, I will undoubtfully try to stop it by hand so I can greet the driver. If a gun happens to find its way into my arms, I wouldn’t even pause to ponder and surely pull the trigger. If I become disoriented and wind up in a bar, I will purchase pure ethanol, pour it over my barren head and implore the barman for a zippo. Yes, I’m just that ignorant.

Electricity is another fine example of scary and absurd technologies fools like myself should evade. By far one of humanity’s most hazardous discoveries, this vile and corruptive force has been known to claim the lives of innumerous poor souls. It is a widely known fact that over a hundred of this world’s brightest minds buy a one-way ticket to the buzz train every single day. Thousands of households are desolated every passing minute due to electricity related complications. 8 out of 10 doctors advocate electricity-free households. Edison rolls in his grave and children weep over their lost innocence.

I was therefore not surprised to learn I was denied access to 220v-110v wall socket adapters. Usage of such mischievous tools could result in serious harm to body and property. Failure to properly connect an adapter to a wall socket could incite a fire. Failure to properly mount the cable into the adapter could result in immediate annihilation of the human race.

Hope of a better future overflows me when I learn eggheads responsible of saving me from myself have deemed this doomsday device inappropriate for mass consumption. Despite my futile attempts to dislodge the northern hemisphere by connecting my camera charger using an adapter, I’m still here to tell the tale. All I had to do is halt my quest for an adapter before the third mall and resort to soldering some spare metallic parts, unearthed from the darkest corners of the house.

It’s raining stuff

Someone linked to this cool video on IRC. The first thing I thought of when I saw the first object fall into the glass is Magnolia. More specifically, that last scene where frogs fall from the sky. I think that was a good movie, I don’t actually remember… I guess I’d have to watch it again.

Then, when I tried to figure out what exactly it was that fell from the sky, I immediately thought of shotgun shells. I imagined it’d be an anti-war or gun proliferation movie because of the context. Mini Lord of War, if you wish. How pessimistic of me.

The end reminded me of the Good Idea / Bad Idea sketches from Animaniacs, which led me to a complete list of the sketches. That was a good show. Narf! 🙂

Anyway, here’s the video.

Green dimmers

Contrails over Nova ScotiaChannel 8 had an interesting show yesterday about something I never heard of. It’s called radiation dimming and apparently it’s another side effect of us on the earth’s climate. It refers to air pollution which keeps radiation from the sun from entering the atmosphere and so keeps the earth cooler at daytime and warmer at nights. It is believed to partially mask the effect of the greenhouse gases on global warming.

So how is this dimming a bad thing? Well, while trying to undo the trouble, we maintain our focus mainly on reducing air pollution by cutting back on CFC, putting filters on just about everything and creating more resource efficient machinery. That’s all nice and dandy, but the damage has already been done and this fixes only one of these two side effects. Nature is all about balance and in this case we’ve broken the balance with air pollution, but created our own delicate balance instead. Now, while reducing air pollution, we broke the balance again. The ozone layer is still damaged, but our own “synthetic ozone layer of pollution” is slowly diminishing. Hence, while trying to fix the errors of the past for the long term, we’re actually making things worse for the short term. The greenhouse gases effect is getting stronger because its masking is slowly reduced.

The researcher the show was talking about had a nice method of proving his point. Contrails also take part of radiation dimming and the skies are filled with them. After 9/11, all flights in the USA were grounded for a couple of days. This gave him an excellent chance to test his theory and see if there’s any temperature difference when removing this polluter. And lo and behold, a difference of over 1 °C in the daily temperature variation was observed.

More information is available from BBC, Wikipedia (using the above links) and channel 8’s reruns.

Lord of War

Diamonds for AK-47sYesterday, I watched Lord of War again. It’s about a Russian guy named Yuri (Nicolas Cage), living in the USA, who gets tired of doing nothing with his life. Instead of spending the rest of his life in his parent’s restaurant, he decides to become an arms dealer.

The movie starts with a scene showing the production cycle of a 5.56mm bullet. Beginning all the way from a thin metal foil, through gun powder filling, QA and shipment, finally finding its resting place in the frontal lobe of a young African child soldier. One of the first things said in the movie is:

There are over 550 million firearms in worldwide circulation. That’s one firearm for every twelve people on the planet. The only question is: How do we arm the other 11?

The name comes from something Yuri’s biggest client says.

Andre Baptiste Sr.: They say that I am the lord of war, but perhaps it is you.
Yuri Orlov: I believe it’s “warlord.”
Andre Baptiste Sr.: Thank you, but I prefer it my way.

As you might have already guessed, this isn’t exactly a happy Sunday morning movie. It’s a “well-made political drama with an excellent story and a powerful performance by Nicolas Cage”. It’s a story about the good things in life, capitalism at its best and marvelous childhood games.

They say, “Evil prevails when good men fail to act.” What they ought to say is, “Evil prevails.”

Though hardly on the lite side, the movie does have the occasional joke.

Back then, I didn’t sell to Osama Bin Laden. Not because of moral reasons, but because he was always bouncing checks.

If you haven’t already, you should watch this movie. I really liked it. Not to be political or anything, it’s just sad funny to see how good of a job we’re doing killing ourselves and everybody else.